so this was the night not last halloween but the one before that this is when it all happened its crazy to think about I mean its been over a year, in march it will be two years its good but all that means is im going to have to go through alot more anniverseries like the night we met,the first time we had sex, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend, the day he got caught, and the day he was arrested, the day the newspaper article was released, and hopefully one day the day he was sentenced to jail....
its halloween though so at least alot will be going on to take my mind away from all of this.
Not feeling to well today its partially because im sick and also because yesterday was horrible I don't know what happened but I just let down my guard and let all of these thoughts come flooding back im collecting it all back but its getting hard. I keep on thinking what would have happened if he didn't get caught would I still be stuck in his lies not knowing any better. I don't know where these thoughts are exactley coming from but its making me feel sick. hopefully this weekend will be a good recovery emotionaly and physically. I've just got to build it all back up, and im going to be fine im pretty sure of it.
Yesterday my sister was talking to me about how she was stressing out about some class and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Then she told me I can't believ how youv'e dealt with all of this thats going on with you with out losing it, like she couldn't believe it wasn't on my mind all the time and that I was actually able to sleep. I guess for her even the littlest thing makes her loose grasp on everything else. She was telling me that if she was in my shoes she wouldn't be able to handle it.
I know that for my sister and everyone else in my immediate family it must be hard dealing with all of this even just second hand. Im glad that ive found the strength and people to get me through this i'm strong and im going to be even stronger when this ends just wait and see.
Sometimes it's the people that have gone through there lives expeirencing all the shit that no one thinks will ever happen, Some times these people with the tough life expierence are the ,most unbreakable people you will ever meet. Im going to be one of those people and im going to help others get there.
It can be hard to cope sometimes but when I feel myself slipping I think of my sister and what she said that she cant believe how strong I am and it reminds me to h ld on because I WANT TO STAY THAT UNBELIEVABLE PERSON.
thanks so much to Barbara (Layla) for going to be my eyes it ment alot you really are a true friend even though I havent met you in person...
i'll post Barbara's findings and notes on here so here they are....
VVVthis is the email she sent me about the trialVVV
I wish I had more to tell you on this, it was another one of those quick things before a judge to post-pone it AGAIN. This time to Nov. 13 (I think, maybe 12 - I wrote it down).
I'll just give you the play by play:
I arrive to the courtroom, its huge compared to the one Keven appears in. I find a seat on the side that allows me to be close to the action and to be able to see everyone in the room. I try to pick him out, having only a vague idea of what he looks like. None of the men in their looked like they could be him, one guy was close so I kept watching him but it was not him.
Somehow David slipped in when I was not looking and sat two rows in front of me. I knew it was him because his attorney came up and INTRODUCED himself which means its a NEW attorney....strange but doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Ok, I have to say this: he is very cute and looked VERY YOUNG. There is no way on earth I would have thought he was over 25 tops! He was wearing a brown tweed jacket and beige dress pants.
When his name was called the attorney asked for a coninuance of the pre-trial and that was it. I was so disappointed. BUT...
I followed them out of the courtroom. I got out my cell phone (which was off) and pretended to be listening to voice mails while pacing back and forth about two feet in front of them as they sat on a bench and talked. I couldn't believe I had the guts to do that but I was determined and lots of people step into the hall to use their phone. Unfortunately it was so NOISY I could only pick up a few words and phrases and from that this is what I learned:
They are going to try and plea some sort of mental or psychological problem that caused him to have this behavior to get him off the hook. I know, it made me want to take off my shoe and smack him in the face with the heel end.
I heard him ask "is she calling you?" and assumed he meant you but am not sure. David's voice was much quieter than the lawyer (old guy) so I could not hear anything he said, only one side of the conversation.
I heard the attorney asking him about his counseling appointments and he said something like "i don't like the idea that your seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist would be better I suggest you get on that right away". I also heard the attorney say "sure, if you want to bring your family with you that always looks good". I am not sure if he meant wife and kids or parents because a few minutes later when the talk was over David's dad and mom came over and introduced themselves to the attorney.
I was dying to follow them as they walked out but that would have been too much cause David started to look nervous that this woman (me) was pacing around in front of him. I did walk down the other set of stairs in hopes of casually running into them again. I will have to wear a disguise next time in case he remembers me as the "lurking woman" (I doubt he will).
I am sorry there is not more to tell but it was a brief conversation and I could only pull out words.
ill continue to keep all of you reading this posted if you are interested
thanks for reading
Is to let people know... and to help others who have expierenced what I have.
What happens matters and it matters to everyone
Don't look at me with pity Don't think of me as a victim It's not what I want I just want it to go back to the way it was before I know I've changed I know its not the same But I want to be normal Like I was before
you cant please everyone, so youve got to please yourself
im Carrie, im me ive been through alot in my life more than alot of people my age will ever expierence or god forbid have to deal with. Dont judge me for what ive done and what has happened, judge me for how I handled it how Ive dealt with myself , most people wouldnt have been able to handle this, but then again most people arent ME...
I have made so many mistakes but part of me would never change this roll with the punches life ive had.