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Sunday, September 6, 2009

PTSD

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I wish I didn’t but I do.


Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and look out the window expecting to see his car out there like it used to be, when I wake up in the middle of the night from honking I panic I feel like its him but of course its not its just the neighbors. I get this kind of flushed feeling when I see a silver mustang convertible ( his car) only the silver ones do this to me my heart start beating so freakin fast, I hate that car that car is way to common. And sometimes I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach it only happens in places I went with him and it only happens when I think I see him its never actually him but the fears still there. Subconsciously I know that chances are slim that im ever going to see him and chances are even slimmer that he’s going to do anything to me, but the fear is still there churning at the bottom of my stomach. Its gotten better I used to not be able to walk past this one store without completely losing it im a strong person but sometimes this stuff gets to me I’m learning to control it I don’t want it to interfere with my life.

I CAN BEAT THIS, I AM STRONGER THEN THIS, I CAN, AND I WILL…..



2 comments:

sarah said...

Hi Carrie, I found you through another blog. I am a survivor of rape too and have been blogging about it as a way of dealing with it. I never told anyone; kept it inside and tried to pretend it didn't happen. Sarah

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the quotes hun. They mean a lot to me too. I am a rape survivor also. I am blogging also..