merry christmas

So this year has gone by so fast and so many things have happened, I started this blog and I started to find myself again I hope everyone has a Great holiday and a happy new year.

cant wait for the New Year!

24 Hours of a Christmas story all Christmas Eve  family tradition to watch it at least once every christmas

Speaking out

(This is for my readers who are also survivors sometimes we need to just speak out)

In order to be healed survivors of rape and sexual abuse must come out of the isolation and hiding. It takes untold courage to open up; telling someone what happened to you can be frightening as often the pain of the violence removes also your ability to talk. Because rape is still considered a distasteful subject survivors of sexual abuse often suffer additional pain from the reactions of their friends and family. Their friends may be distant, minimize their pain or may even avoid them. People don't like discussing the subject of rape and may try to distance themselves from the event by blaming the victim. Perhaps they feel that if they can somehow place the blame on the victim, they will be invulnerable to rape themselves.

We are not taught how to deal with people that experience being victimized and most people do not speak out about rape for many years.
Don't Let Them Silence You
Often unintentionally upsetting comments are made by friends or relatives, those closest to you and whose opinion you value the most. Some people may tell you that you should stop feeling sorry for your self, or that you are not being positive. Maybe they can't see any reason why you should be depressed and think that you can just snap out of it. If you had to deal with these kinds of reactions you know how hurtful it is, you wish the ground could open up and swallow you. Whenever this happens, please take a long breath and remember that they are the ones with a problem, not you. Don't let them silence you. They simply don't understand because they've never had to deal with it.

Most survivors had to learn on their own how not to let what others say or do affect them in a negative way. In time, you may also come to realize that most people don’t intentionally mean to hurt you with their words. Some of them are just unprepared to deal with such sensitive and emotive issue and say things without considering the implications of their words or the deep impact that their comments could have on you.

Sure, some people's reaction is bound to hurt you but this doesn’t mean that you should give up on the idea of finding support and understanding in others. There are people out there who do understand. Finding comfort and support in a friend can touch your soul in a way that words can barely express. These kinds of friends are priceless. Just be cautious about who you confide in and reveal sensitive details to. Tell some one who you feel will be there for you, understand and support you. Breaking the silence it's the first step to recovery. Every time you break the silence and trust someone, you are one step farther in your recovery journey.
Remember, you did nothing wrong. Don't be silent. Speak.

what have you done not done

If you have a blog, the idea is to copy it on to your blog and put an asterisk* next to each thing you have done. OR just leave a list in my comments. If you do it on your own blog please let us know.



*1. Started your own blog
*2. Slept under the stars
*3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
*5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld (does Disneyland count?)
*8. Climbed a mountain
*9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
*13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
*14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
*16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
*18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
*21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
*23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
*25. Held a lamb
*26. Gone skinny dipping
*27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
*29. Seen a total eclipse
*30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
*31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
*35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
*37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
*39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
*41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
*45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
*47. Had your portrait painted - drawn I think that counts!
*48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
*51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
*52. Kissed in the rain
*53. Played in the mud
*54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
*58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
*62. Gone whale watching
*63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
*69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
*71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired/laid off from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
*78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
*84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
*88. Had chickenpox
*89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
*91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
*93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
*95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
*97. Been involved in a law suit
*98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Seen Mount Rushmore in person
*101. Learned to play an instrument
102. Kissed the Blarney Stone
103. Ridden a camel
104. Been arrested (but not convicted!)
105. Visited someone in jail
*106. Flown a Kite
*107. Been surfing
*108. Had a broken heart
*109. Wished on a star
110. Fell off a horse

quotes for the week

one step taken

I finished filling out the impact form it took alot of effort but I got it all down thanks for the suggestions Barbara and LceeL they really helped i'll post the finished copy in a little bit once I get it all typed out...
having a bit of a tough time right now, my mom got a call about her mamogram result and there maybe something wrong I HOPE so badly there is not, but breast cancer runs in the family my moms mom had it, but got cured. keeping my fingers crossed and even though im not a religous person I know my mom is so im praying for her.

This weekend

This Weeken I'm supposed to fill out my Victim Impact Statement. Basically stating how all of this has affected my family and I and what I wouls like to suggest as sentencing. I know what I want to say my I can't figure out how to start it yet. It's important though so I really need to get it down.

If any one has any expierence in writing this out or filling out one of these statements or just a suggestion on how to go about it, it would be greatly appreciated!

Just thoughts written out...

I try really hard to not think about him unless absolutely necessary, but it is hard not to. Last year around this time ( October to march) wasn’t as hard to get by with. But as more time passes it’s like it starts to sink in more and I realize that there is no way to go back. It’s as if there isn’t a month free from reminders, to many things happened over that span of time. I want a break. I don’t want my mind to be trapped, its just that something always seems to trigger a buried memory and I’m back to it. This time of year causes triggers to rear their ugly heads and disturb the peacefulness that never seem to have the chance to stay.


These are the thoughts I’ve been needing and wanting to get out.

Another fear keeps on clouding my thoughts and I don’t know if it will come to light. This has been in my mind since the beginning, what happens when I fall for a guy that doesn’t know what I’ve been through. I know it makes me who I am. I understand that some people may not get that the pain of my past isn’t me, my reaction my decision on how to deal with that pain well that IS ME. What if I cant find some one that truly excepts that and wants me past and all. Should I even risk telling some one due to what their reaction might be. This is a stupid irrational fear I know. But it is a fear just the same. Maybe someday some one or something will cause me to rid my mind of this fear. I just want some one to prove that I’m wrong, that it’s not going to be hard to find that guy, the guy that doesn’t mid and actually understands.



Right now I know times are tough but I know it has to pass, and I know my doubts will pass along with it.