right now...

So Its been 2 years since ive had a boyfriend, because those whole 2 years I spent focusing on my life and the trial. When I stopped looking all of a sudden this great guy popped into my life, I was so afraid to tell him about my past in fear that he wouldnt know how to handle it and he wouldnt like me because of it, but i told him and his reaction was all I could ever hope for. he told me that it doesnt change a thing, it just means that ive expierence a different kin dof life, and he said pasts liek that build character which must be why he likes me so much. So the fears I had been having about aguys reaction werent true in the least bit at least not when it came to him. Im just glad my life is being accepted and thing seem to be settling as normal as possible.

Its all over now!!

so the last trial he plead guilty and got 1 year at ocj 5 years probation and life time as a sex offender,
im so glad for this closure to happen right now, its like as soon as a I graduate high school at the end of this month  my whole life is going to be starting over and I cant wait for it.
Thanks to all of you that stuck by me and brought me up when everything else was pushing me down you guys are really what made me get through this.

Just because this is over doesnt mean Im going to stop posting on this blog, because the purpose of this bloh is for people to know that they can survive so ill keep everyone posted on my life from now on.
on that note my mom had her surgery for breast cancer a double masectomy and is doing great!!!

Once again thanks to all especially Barbara I really couldnt have gone through this all with out you youve pretty much renewed my faith in people :)
lots of love!!

just more updates...

so Thursday the 27th is the plea date apparently if he pleas guilty then he will get a year in prison 6 months probation and life time registration as a sex offender, if he pleas not guilty then it goes to more trials, also on the 27th they are going to be reading my statement. so fingers crossed the shortest route is taken because im ready for this all to be over...

this friday...

so this Friday might be the last trial, at least that is what the DA told my DAd, He said that if anything they will read my impact statement in court and then the judge will most likley make his decision, unless Dave trys to make a plea which tha DA said is the most likley thing to happen if he makes a plea he will recieve one year in prison anlong with 5 months probation and a life time sex offender title, which to me is a good thing because when they asked my recomended jail sentence I did suggest 1-2 years. im hoping that my statement will do some good allowing the judge and him to really know how my life has been affected. Just hoping the trial doesnt get postponed again...
Barbara is going to court for me this friday, so Once again THANKS SO MUCH!!
and ill try to keep everyone updated as much as possible.

updates

I haven't posted in a while but 2 weeks ago I got into a car accident with some friends while offroading in Holy JIm, the car spun out of control and slid into a ravine and then flipped over completley, it was a scary expierence but no one was seriously injured just scratches and bruises and a bit shaken up. any ways another pretrial with no results yet again but apparently Barbara found out after calling the DA's that apparently it could take a year for a case to get to a preliminary hearing where something might actually happen, or unless he pleads out, so still just waiting for something to come of this.

just waiting...

I think waiting has to be the worst part, because you never know what's going to come from all of this, or even if it's worth it. basically no news and the next trial in April which is a long ways away. Ive recently been having some troubles with some asshole bringing up all of this shit from my past it's amazing that some people dont realize there are subjects that you dont bring up, and things you dont make fun of, I cant even fathom the idea that there are that ignorant of people out there but I  guess there are alot of people like that out there and the best thing I or anyone can do is to just learn to deal with it and overcome it just liek everything else.

heres some quotes to help get by...

"The best thing you can do is realize that there is nothing wrong with you, and that it isn't your fault everything around you was the crazy part."

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life; define yourself."~Harvey Fierstein

"You decide whether you look at your reality or live pretending these feelings don't exist." -Tori Amos

"YOU are the most important person you know."- courtesy of LceeL

A Book

My mom suggestes i read this book its called Amy and Isabelleby Elizabeth Strout, it was kind of weird it was a book about a girl that went through some of the same stuff i'm going through and about how the mother daughter relationship is completley strained and changed after that, it was really good book, I related to it and Im pretty sure thats why my mom suggested it. I htink she wanted to show me that she doesnt mean to act the way she does but its impossible for relationships not to change after something that big.
its a really good read if your looking for a book in that category others might not like reading about rape situations but its a good book to relate too.
here's an excerpt from the book
 "The real problem, of course, was that she and her mother were together all day. To Amy it seemed as though a black line connected them, nothing bigger than something drawn with a pencil, perhaps, but a line that was always there. Even if one of them left the room, went to the ladies' room or to the water fountain out in the hall, let's say, it didn't matter to the black line; it simply cut through the wall and connected them still. They did the best they could. At least their desks were far apart and didn't face each other."


ooh and trial was postponed to some time in April, pretty far away so who knows what that means. I'll keep all of you readers posted.