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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Breakdown...

So recently I had a complete breakdown it was the first one I had in a while and I wasnt really expecting it, and it was the first breakdown Ive had in front of my boyfriend Matt. So Matt and I have been having some serious talks latley about him having money problems and being unemployed at the moment so I think that may have been part of the reason I was already feeling emotional. After that convo Matt was telling me how he was so lucky to have the perfect girlfriend, and I dont know what was with me but I was playing the negative one and going im not perfect, he said what do you mean? and I was like im just not. then he asked me if I thought it was because of the ptsd and everything that had happened. Thats when I just started crying its exactly what I had been thinking about but couldnt put it into words, He tried to get me to talk about to let me get it all out and try and feel better, but I just kept crying. He felt really bad and felt like he was the one that had made me cry. So I tried to explain to him that it wasnt anyhting he did it was just I had been pushing everything down for so long that I guess finally it just had to come out. We sat and talked for hours after that and he hugged me untill I stopped crying. At that moment seeing how he reacted to me crying like that because he had only seen me cry for another reason once before really made me realize that This really is THE guy, the one that actually cares and the one that puts all others to shame. He told me that he was going to be there for me no matter what and that he was going to keep me safe, that he wasnt going to let anything else like that happen to me ever again, that I deserved the best and he was going to make sure I had it.
So I guess all though this breakdown was a weak point, its made our relationship stronger.

3 comments:

Barbara said...

Blonde, I don't see your breakdown as a weak point at all! Like you said, you had been holding it in and that's never a good idea, eventually it will explode out and be a major event rather than letting it out in smaller doses as it occurs. But my point is that I see this "breakdown" as a very positive thing. MATT is a keeper!!!! Please don't end up like me, I had a wonderful boyfriend when I was in my early 20's but wasn't ready to settle down and secretly thought someone better would come along. No one ever compared to him and I've been single all my life. I know most "older adults" will tell young people to take their time, but I say, if you meet someone that you love, that your family and friends approve of and that treats you like gold: keep him!

I hate to admit this but every guy my family and friends didn't like ended up to be a total jerk, asshole, bastard. Family and friend's opinions matter if we like it or not.

Thanks for sharing this here.

LceeL said...

My wife, my Annie, was 16 when we met. 17 when we married. I was 31. There was some resistance to 'Us' among her 5 sisters. Annie didn't listen to them, she listened to her heart. 33.5 years later, her heart still says the same thing. I guess that makes me lucky.

Listen to your heart.

Blonde Mafia said...

Barbara and Lceel you guys are right like always and from all of this I really think Ive figured out his is the guy I think I can spend the rest of my life with the guy I know wont be letting be down and the guy I dont want to leave my life, and I know he feels the same way about me, I guess it really shows something that I was comfortable enough to cry about this infront of him because im usually very wary to let things like that out in person to people. I can honestly say I love this guy more than anything ive ever felt for anyone else