Breakdown...

So recently I had a complete breakdown it was the first one I had in a while and I wasnt really expecting it, and it was the first breakdown Ive had in front of my boyfriend Matt. So Matt and I have been having some serious talks latley about him having money problems and being unemployed at the moment so I think that may have been part of the reason I was already feeling emotional. After that convo Matt was telling me how he was so lucky to have the perfect girlfriend, and I dont know what was with me but I was playing the negative one and going im not perfect, he said what do you mean? and I was like im just not. then he asked me if I thought it was because of the ptsd and everything that had happened. Thats when I just started crying its exactly what I had been thinking about but couldnt put it into words, He tried to get me to talk about to let me get it all out and try and feel better, but I just kept crying. He felt really bad and felt like he was the one that had made me cry. So I tried to explain to him that it wasnt anyhting he did it was just I had been pushing everything down for so long that I guess finally it just had to come out. We sat and talked for hours after that and he hugged me untill I stopped crying. At that moment seeing how he reacted to me crying like that because he had only seen me cry for another reason once before really made me realize that This really is THE guy, the one that actually cares and the one that puts all others to shame. He told me that he was going to be there for me no matter what and that he was going to keep me safe, that he wasnt going to let anything else like that happen to me ever again, that I deserved the best and he was going to make sure I had it.
So I guess all though this breakdown was a weak point, its made our relationship stronger.

Blessid Union of Souls- I Wanna Be There

Contemplating....

Do you ever feel like everything is going to well for once. Like nothing is wrong so something big and horrible is about to happen, like right now your in the eye of the storm waiting for the next big wave of disaster.
I know I should be positive everythings is fine, not struggling with money finally! have a good guy that cares about me finally! and just focusing on school. but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that somehting is going to go wrong soon. maybe the calmness right now is just making me nervous because im not use to it I dont know lets see what happens...